Supposedly taken from a hotel brochure of a hotel in China. I don't know if the piece was edited to make it worse, but it's a fun read all the same ;)
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it."
I've been away for too long - so this one says: I'm back :)
Ole was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty dollars . . . " she whispers.
He'd never been with a hooker before, but he decides, what the hell, it's only twenty bucks. So they hide in the bushes. They're going "at it" for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes
on them . . . it's a police officer.
"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife," Ole answers indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know."
"Well," Ole says, "neither did I, until you shined that light in her face!"