Monday, May 12, 2014

Sir Walter Scott, on dogs

“I have sometimes thought of the final cause of dogs having such short lives and I am quite satisfied it is in compassion to the human race; for if we suffer so much in loving a dog after an acquaintance of ten or twelve years, what would it be if they were to live double that time?”

Sunday, March 30, 2014

58 everyday things you never knew had names!

Go here, if you need pictures :)

1. Petrichor: the way it smells outside after rain.
2. Purlicue: the space between the thumb and forefingers.
3. Wamble: stomach rumbling.
4. Aglet: the plastic coating on a shoelace.
5. Vagitus: the cry of a newborn baby.
6. Glabella: the space between your eyebrows.
7. Chanking: spat-out food.
8. Lunule: the white, crescent shaped part of the nail.
9. Peen: the side opposite the hammer’s striking side.
10. Tines: the prongs on a fork.
11. Souffle cup: a ketchup/condiment cup.
12. Natiform: something that resembles a butt.
13. Phosphenes: the lights you see when you close your eyes and press your hands to them.
14. Nurdle: a tiny dab of toothpaste.
15. Box tent: the table in the middle of a pizza box.
16. Cornicione: the outer part of the crust on a pizza.
17. Barm: the foam on a beer.
18. Rasceta: the lines on the inside of your wrist.
19. Overmorrow: the day after tomorrow.
20. Ferrule: the metal part at the end of a pencil.
21. Punt: the bottom of a wine bottle.
22. Keeper: the loop on a belt that keeps the end in place after it has passed through the buckle.
23. Minimus: your little toe or finger.
24. Zarf: the cardboard sleeve on a coffee cup.
25. Rectal Tenesmus: the feeling of incomplete defecation.
26. Agraffe: the wired cage that holds the cork in a bottle of champagne.
27. Columella nasi: the space between your nostrils.
28. Lemniscate: the infinity symbol.
29. Desire path: a path created by natural means, simply because it is the “shortest or most easily navigated” way.
30. Armscye: the armhole in most clothing.
31. Dysania: the state of finding it hard to get out of the bed in the morning.
32. Collywobbles: butterflies in your stomach.
33. Nibling: the non-gender-specific term for a niece or nephew — like sibling.
34. Griffonage: unreadable handwriting.
35. Paresthesia: that “pins and needles” feeling.
36. Defenestrate: to throw out a window.
37. Muntin: the strip separating window panes.
38. Philtrum: the groove located just below the nose and above the middle of the lips.
39. Snood: the fleshy thing around the neck of a turkey.
40. Vocable: the na na nas and la la las in song lyrics that don’t have any meaning.
41. Tittle: the dot over an “i” or a “j.”
42. Morton’s toe: when your second toe is bigger than your big toe.
43. Crepuscular rays: rays of sunlight coming from a certain point in the sky. AKA what your aunt might have called “God’s rays.”
44. Snellen chart: the chart you look at when you take an eye exam.
45. Crapulence: that sick feeling you get after eating or drinking too much.
46. Obelus: the division sign (÷).
47. Ideolocator: a “you are here” sign.
48. Brannock device: the thing they use to measure your feet at the shoe store.
49. Interrobang: what it’s called when you combine a question mark with an exclamation point like this: ?!
50. Mamihlapinatapai: the look shared by two people who both hope the other will offer to do something that they both want but aren’t willing to do.
51. Phloem bundles: those long stringy things you see when peeling a banana.
52. Semantic satiation: what happens when you say a word so long it loses meaning.
53. Octothorpe: the pound (#) button on a telephone.
54. Gynecomastia: man-boobs.
55. Mondegreen: misheard song lyrics.
56. Scurryfunge: the time you run around cleaning frantically right before company comes over.
57. Aphthongs: silent letters.
58. Tmesis: when you separate a word into two for effect. Example: “I AM GOING TO ASBO-FREAKIN’-LUTELY BE THE BEST SCRABBLE PLAYER ON THE PLANET NOW!”

Monday, March 17, 2014

At the doctor's

Have you had the receptionist ask you what's wrong with you, and why you want to see the doctor? Well, try what this guy did! :)

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '

'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied, 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.'

The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'

'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.

'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied aloud, in the busy waiting room.

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