Happy 2010*!

Let's close the year with something you can download, and get working for you!

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, AFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate



DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Babe!

Tech Support

Happy New Year everyone!

May 2010* make all

our dreams

come true :)

* corrected - thanks to OldStock ;)

ANTARES (updated)

On Christmas night, I received an sms from my dear friend Lita that Antares was gravely ill, and in the ICU. He is ill with malaria or its complications.

I've been checking Zorro's blog whenever I can to see if there are any updates, and there was one today.

For those of you who know Antares, and would like to know how he's doing, you can go here for updates. It's the blog of his friend and neighbour, Mary Maguire.

I have never actually met Antares in-real-life, but we have become good friends, and his words simply sing to my soul.

I pray he makes a full recovery and that he's soon back to his brilliant self once more.

Hang in there, Unka Ant. We're all sending good vibes into the universe - that you may heal and be as good as new ... soonest!!!

p.s.

If you visit his Facebook page, you'd know that his family is with him now and taking care of him. They've asked for people to not visit - and that makes sense, as he'd be open to all sorts of infection is everyone and his uncle turns up to see him.

They sound really positive, and it looks like he's coming out of it slowly.

Let's give him some space to get well.

I just read this in Zorro's blog, and I thought I'd share it. It's a message from his daughter:

Belle has left a new comment on the post "OUR ANTARES.":

I just saw my dad and he managed to open his eyes and even smile!!!! Words can't describe how happy and relieved we are. He's got most of the tubes out and hopefully when we see him again later he won't need any tubes at all. The parasites have been wiped out and they're expecting him to be out of ICU within the next day or two. I told him that everyone is praying for him and sending him love. Thanks so much for all your healing and support. His 60th birthday on Jan 7th will be a day of celebrating his "re-birth" :)

Why do I bloody need to friggin' pay??!!!?!!!

It rains every afternoon in KL these days. It's a roaring rain, complete with fireworks and drum-rolls, and enough light-and-sound sfx to frighten the horniest tomcats into their hovels to wait for it to abate before venturing out to devour their paramours! That's how rainy it is lah.

And, so in the midst of all this rain, the usual wonders and delights of Kuala Lumpur emerge to bloom beneath the laden clouds: snarls of traffic, flash floods, smashed cars causing a backup of trafiic for miles (sorry lah, I am still using pounds and ounces, too!@#%!) Lovely. Just what every picture story in our travel magazines beg for, and now can get for free.

And also, some brilliant so-and-so decided that yesterday would be the perrrrrrfect day to close some roads in KL. And just for the fun of it, let's close all the major ones lah. I may be wrong, but I think someone said it was for some marching band thingy. Another brilliant move, eh? Marchers marching in the rain, and enjoyed by whom, pray tell? Some puffed up, overfed people under an airconditioned tent (who didn't want to be there, for sure! And would have much rather been sitting somewhere dark and cosy sipping a pink champagne or a Jack Daniels, and fondling someones boobies, perhaps?); and pehaps some need-a-life types who braved the rain and were soaked for their efforts, and some mat rempits who just happened to be there, and went, " Hey! let's see what the plebs are up to now, eh?!!"

So in the midst of all this wet metal madness, I need to get to Kelana Jaya or all places - to drop off some parcels of stuff I've promised someone.

We snake along Old Klang Road and make it to a mad Federal Highway (whoever named this godforsaken road must be choking with laughter every time he hears its name: does it denote the perrrrrfect example of our highways that are no-ways when we most need them?)

Yennyways, we get on this sad and pathetic excuse for a thoroughfare, and of course it's gagging with idiots: all on the left want desperately to move to the right lanes; all on the right need desperately to move to the left! Go figure lah!

We finally make it up and into the Kerinchi Link, past a stalled taxi, Malaysia's finest, and it's all clear. Yes, finally, we're moving!

NOT.

As we approach the Eastin Hotel area, where the second toll booths are located, it is a sea of red lights, flickering signals and a mass of cars - all going nowhere.

The longest queues, and the ones that are not moving at all are the SmartTag lanes. Way to go, PLUS! Take them fools money up front, and watch them sit in a queue that moves slower than the ones the poorest idiots are in!!!

How does that work for me? I'm still trying to figure that one out....

So here's my question. Yes, I do have one. You've got here after the long 'Preamble'. And that's all that was, because for a long while now, I've had nothing to say. And it looks like I still don't!

So yah, here's my question: Why do I frigging need to pay a bloody toll for a frigging road that doesn't bloody frigging allow me to move???!!!!